just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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