Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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