youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
