so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
