I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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