is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
