If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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