If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
