I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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