I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
