Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
