i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
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I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.