last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life