Ambien. No doubt about it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.