Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.