We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
