This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Come on in and take your pants off
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