I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He better not be in your backpack
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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