John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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