I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
