so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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