Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
