Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she looked like the before picture.
honey bunches of taint.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
