"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
