Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
