You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
