Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
