I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
