the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
