Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
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I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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