how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
