Please, let me fuck your mom
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
