but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
