i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Randomize
