OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
