Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
