Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
