oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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