your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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