His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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