You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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