I skipped work to stalk him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
