with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You're a waste of cheezeits
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
