my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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