so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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