1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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