She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
