My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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