I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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