i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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