he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
