so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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