I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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