told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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