I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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