i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's never too late to be topless.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
