then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
