your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
