my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
