Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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