Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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