I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I want a musical about memes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
