yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
