I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We need a shit load of segways right now
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
